It's a viscious cycle, I get on the internet, I log onto myspace, I get off the internet. I've become one of those people you keep hearing about on dateline. Blah.
Life has been life lately, you know: same shit, different day. Work mostly, hanging out when the mood/time/funds strike me. Oh! I did recently do something very cool (insert drumroll here)... I bought a car! I was so crazy excited, it's my first major purchase that's actually something tangible as opposed to, say, a vacation to Florida. I made my mom go with me, cause I don't really know squat about cars, and I didn't really feel the need to get taken for a ride. In my head I was going to walk into the car dealership and some guy in a shiny sharkskin suit with sliked back helmet hair was going to talk me into a blue 79 pinto with one orange door faster than you can say "all sales are final". So, I made my mom go because A: she's pretty auto-literate, and B: well, quite frankly... she's a bitch. She wasn't going to take any crap off of them. But it was actually a very soft sale. Apparently, they don't work on commision there, so they don't care if I buy a car or not. Well, they do, but you know what I mean.
I ended up with a 2001 Kia Sephia, in what they keep saying is blue, but I'm going with periwinkle. It was very liberating. It felt like I was standing up and going "HEY! World! I'm a grown up!! Which, while still kind of a scary concept for me to wrap my head around, felt really REALLY good. This is the first time something big is JUST mine. I can put whatever I want in and on it, if I drive out all the gas going to a party 3 towns over, nobody gives a shit! No one can tell me what to do. It's a startling bit of clarity in the moment that you realize that you really can do whatever you want, especially when you're used to the kind of mother who likes to keep her hands in EVERY aspect of your life.
I've been missing Ida a lot lately. Especially given that it's 8 months later and we've still got bupkiss as far as a suspect. We had 2 serial shooter recently arrested who have just been going around killing people at random for quite a while now, I've always wondered if her death was linked to that at all. It's weird though, I don't always feel like I have the right to miss her, because there are people who knew her longer, or better. I don't want to infringe on their right to grieve, but I'm still very hurt over losing her. We were not best friends, but I always counted her among my very good friends, and there were things only she and I would laugh at or want to do and Shana would roll her eyes at us, and I miss that. No one should die young.
On that note, I'm gonna take off. I'm currently contemplating if it's worth having a whole sex change to hook up with Lance Bass. He IS hot enough for me to consider it, but I'd be pissed and want him to pay for it if we split up. Decisions, decisions. Later days.
past / present