I have developed the greatest theory. It came to me last night while I was listening to "Superman". Emminem, not Five For Fighting. It's like this, people get very, very upset and insensed and all kinds of other bad adjectives over the use of words such as "bitch" and "ho" in rap songs today. And honestly, I can understand their angst, because it's not like I personally enjoy being called a ho or anything. But I have figured it out. See, rap, at it's core, is nothing more than poetry with a catchy hook and some bouncy video girls. And it's not open form poetry, it has to rhyme.

So, lets say you're Em, or Snoop, or Slick Rick, or Big Daddy Kane or whoever you wanna be, and you're writing a song about some chick. In the writing process you will most definitely find out that there are many, many more words that rhyme with "bitch" and "ho" then there are that rhyme with "lady" and "love" and "woman". So which words are you gonna pick? See, it's not about being offensive. It's about maintaining the integrity of the rhyme. Because no one likes a lame ass forced rhyme, right? OK then.

words that rhyme with "bitch"
itch
snitch
witch
switch
stich
rich
hitch
which
twitch
kitch
niche
glitch
enrich
sandwich
ditch

words that rhyme with "ho"
dough
so
though
low
blow
bro
no
oh
go
psycho
joe
jell-o
homo
narrow
show
grow
ago
rainbow
snow
tiptoe
throw
owe
gumbo
pillow
mayo
flow

OK, now see there, I have given you everything you need to go multi-platinum. So the next time you're giving groupie luv to your favorite rapper (not that I recommend that, but we all know it happens), respect his art and the effort it takes to rhyme a whole album, and don't be offended when he calls you a ho. It's just easier for him. Unless it's Juvenile. Then just be offended by his teeth.
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