I know I said I'd be updating more frequently now. But I'm not. And neither is anybody else, so I have like, ZERO guilt. I'm not gonna promise to update more often anymore, cause I don't like lying to my public. We'll just... play it by ear.
P.S. I'm at work right now, so this entry will be pretty much completely void of the 4 letter words I'm so fond of, since they could be watching at anytime. They don't care if I play online, but they REALLY don't like it when I swear.
Been doing some thinking lately (I can almost hear certain people letting out a collective "oh-no"). I'v been thinking about my inability to stay at a job. I get bored. Restless. I've figured it out. It's because I don't WANT to be a phone peon for the rest of my natural life. I get a job, I'm all excited about it, then, about 6 months in, thoughts of quitting start to quietly creep into my mind. It's sad really. But the reason is, I KNOW I don't want to do this forever, and let me tell ya, the bloom falls of the rose real quick. It's basically fear. Deep down (here comes a big bad revelation kids, duck and cover!) I am completely and totally terrified of getting stuck in a job I only marginally like and looking up and realizing that 40 years have gone by and life never got any better. But the vicious part of that cycle is that I've just never been able to get started. I don't even know how. How to make a change, how to plot that course. On the plus side, I have realized that wishful thinking just doesn't get you anything (a real shot in the foot for Peter Pan, who just keeps on preaching that "think happy thoughts" crap. Are you gonna tell him, or should I?). I've never had to have a plan, and now, I don't even know how to make one. I just need to figure out how to make a change without scaring the bejesus out of myself, but I've never been really good at "buckling down" or "pulling myself up by the boot straps" (what the hell are boot straps anyway?).
I don't know, maybe things will get better, maybe I'll just have to deal with the bang up job I've done so far with my adult life. Which, by the way, I blame for all my issues, and my little quarter life crisis I seem to be having. Adulthood just snuck up on me like nobodies business. Suddenly I'm pushing 30 (which you will never hear me admit to again), and I don't have all the time in the world to make my life descisions and get on the ball, like I thought I did, say, 4 years ago. And my free spirited approach to life and work (I'm only working til my movie/book/cd/rich husband comes through) just isn't cute anymore cause now you're supposed to have a plan, and a 401k and some desire to move up the corporate ladder. Do you know how I feel about the corporate ladder? I only want to move about halfway up, cause at that point theres more money and (the all important) vacation time, but on the top half there's too much responsibility and not enough air. I don't know. It's really kinda sad when even your own best friend honestly doesn't believe you have any follow through.
Anyways, on to less depressing topics, like (do-da-do-dooooo) The Backstreet Boys! My concert is on Friday the 26th, and I just managed to obtain, throught the magic of e-bay, FLOOR seats for the show the following night in Vegas at Mandalay Bay. *Squeeeeeeel!!*. I am so excited. It's just gonna be a big old boy band stalker-matic weekend. I'm trying to rope Shana into going with, but she (unlike me) actually is a grownup and my have to stay for work. I'm gonna get Cris to go too, dispite the fact that we are in the middle of the worlds stupidest fight (and I use the word fight loosely. It's a lot more like a cold war), cause I know if I say Vegas, she'll be down, but I also know that, deep down inside, she's not really dying to see BSB, but she'll go if noone else will. But I know she'll be perfectly content to kick it in the casino while I'm in the concert. I'm so excited, did I mention that already?
Did anybody else know that Colin Farell is currently filming Miami Vice: The Movie?!? Oh how great is that? I simply cannot wait to see pastel suits and wicker shoes make their way to the big screen. I'm not even a huge Miami Vice fan (or a huge Colin fan, for that matter) but there is just something about a 2 hour chunk of 80's visual cheez-whiz that I find simply irresistable.
Alrighty kids, I gotta bail, I've only got 13 more minutes of work left and I have the distinct feeling I'm gonna spend them trying to get d-land to let me post this, so, yeah, later days.
Edit: d-land let me in on the very first try. Now I feel guilty for having bad mouthed it.
past / present